I am really honored to be recommended to be one of our Key Club’s committee chairs. I honestly have no idea how anything works in Key Club, but I’m freaking ready to put forth work. Thank you so much.

I had Wendy’s for the first time in my life and it was rather delicious.

I hope us laughing this much will lighten my mood for tomorrow.
Tomorrow consists of: Literary Essay, TOK Presentation, Packets, Internal Assessment, and parties here and there. The only catch is none of this has been started and will not very likely get done. It’s rather disappointing.
But if I can survive an allnighter, I may finish most of this work.
However, thank you for the laughs.i haven’t laughed this hard in a very long time. Almost-peeing-in-my-pants worthy laughter.

Someone please slap some sense into me
Don’t walk on egg shells around me
Tell me how it is without relent
Of course I’ll cry
And say how much I hate you
But in reality
I appreciate you for being honest
Break me apart
Then heal me with your presence

Nap.
Homework.
Shower.
Eat.
Homework.
Don’t cry.
But if I need to cry, I’ll do so.
And I need to cry.
Like really bad.

My heart hurts
My body is exhausted
My hands are calloused
My mind is blank yet very discombobulated
My eyes are drained

I want to say so much but cannot
I just cannot find the right words to convey how sad and broken I am
It is as if I have internalized the message
I wish I could say I anm not broken and sad

Everything is so temporary
Nothing is ever everlasting and it bothers me
Why can my joy not stay with me for the rest of the week
Why must it dissipate as soon as I wake up from sleep

I don’t know anymore
I’m just incredibly blank and empty
Really really empty
And it scares me
It’s never been this bad

Never

So when Tom saw Myrtle’s body after Daisy ran over her, I couldn’t help but notice how her nice makeup did not get ruined. Then my friend wants to bust in with:
“Maybe it’s Maybelline.”
Just maybe.

Whiskey

It’s my best friend.
It numbs me.
It temporarily let’s me forget all my troubles.
It makes me giggle and let loose.
What would I do without you?
‘Be sober’ would be the obvious answer.
Conscious would be another.

If someone is willing to purchase The Great Gatsby soundtrack for me, I will love you to the ends of this earth. It is so worthy of a legal cd purchase. So so worthy.

I saw this girl who looked quite broken.

I saw this girl after looking at our mirror.

May the stars guide my heart to a home.
Home is where the heart is at.
This is not home.
This is just me in a house.
My heart is not here.

Sad for days.

Weeks.
Years.
Decades.
Never a century.
Hours.
Minutes.
Seconds.

I wish school never gave me this much anxiety and sadness.

Special A

Haven’t gotten back in touch with my manga and anime loving self for about the past 6 months. And omgggggg. Chapter 17 just. Ugh. My little heart just can’t take it. So much honesty, innocence and cuteness. Gaaaaaaaah. I watched the anime in middle school and here I am, reading the manga.
Asdfghjkl; Hikari and Kei are so precious. I just can’t.

Dear family,

Please stop comparing me to other kids. I don’t give a flying fuck if they think I’m smart or stupid or if I’m lying about my grades. I don’t give a shit to be fairly honest. I have grown so much as a person that my grades will never reflect that. I am now a leader and a fairly loving friend. I know what being tactful is along with responsibility and respecting both myself and others. Who cares if they don’t believe that I can do it. I clearly don’t, so stop. So what I have a 4.1? That gpa is long gone down the drain now since I’ve fallen behind in school. I relapsed and went to therapy behind my family, friends, and trusting teachers’ backs because I would be perceived as a disease or receive superficial sympathy. Depression sucks. I’m just proud to say I’ve pushed through all three times. This time was the hardest of them all. So fuck you for placing my worth in the hands of numbers and statistics. You better be fucking glad and proud that I will be graduating high school next year. You better be content with me still being alive and sane. Stop belittling others and myself by this stupid superfluous competition. Let me be Stacy. Let me do what I want. Please. Seriously. Shit.